What if I don't have a dream?

While listening to an audio book recently, a super energetic author started talking about dreams-- or more specifically, why people give up on them. 

She starts by asking the listener, "What is your dream? What do you want out of life?"  A question I instantly hated.  
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It's my least favorite interview question and I'd go as far as saying it makes me angry when people act as if in order to be successful, you need to have an answer ready to go. 

I've never been one of those people who had a five or ten-year plan. While I am SUCH a planner, I have just never been able to see that far in advance and know what was likely to happen, or even what I wanted to happen.  

After all, five years ago... heck, two years ago, I would never have imagined I could have the life that I'm living today. Not that it's super glamorous or extraordinary by Hollywood or history book standards, but it's a tremendously fulfilled and happy one nonetheless. 

But happiness isn't really what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about planning for the future, which right this second in the middle of a freaking Pandemic is pretty much impossible to do. And is probably why I started to freak out a little while listening to this book thinking, "Holy shit, I need to know what my dream is."

But here's the thing... I just don't. I know that I aspire to be better, to do better and create something bigger than myself. I just don't know what that is. 

So I decided the next best thing I can do is think of smaller goals that I have for myself that may or may not be related to what I really want in life... since that is still to be determined. 

When I asked myself, "What little things do I want to accomplish in the next few years?" I instantly rattled off a handful of goals with no issue. It seemed much more manageable than asking what my "purpose-for-life, why-I'm-here-on-this-Earth, I'm-pathetic-unless-I-reach-the-stars" dream is. 

One of those smaller goals I listed off in my head was something I've wanted to do ever since childhood when my father would give me a funny title and ask me to write a story to go along with it-- I want to write a book. 

When I was younger, I thought I'd write fiction novels with witty characters and brilliant leading ladies, but since becoming a fairly successful professional working in Corporate America over the past eleven years, I've realized that the stories I really need to tell are the the very real lessons and insights I've gained that could bring value to other people's lives.

But I've tried this writing thing before and have always gotten overwhelmed not knowing where to even start putting together all these thoughts and topics into one cohesive story or book.  

So last night, as I continued to hear this bubbly author's voice ringing in my ears, taunting me to DARE to have a dream-- I realized maybe what I need is to start small and check off one goal at a time until, one day, I finally have some inkling of an idea as to what I really want out of my life.

So that brings us to today. It's the first step of me becoming a book author. Oh yes, I'm aware that this is a blog, not a book. A blog that no one is even likely to read, but it's where I can pour my thoughts, ideas, rants, and hard lessons so that one day, when I'm ready, I will get closer to knowing and achieving my dreams.